Sex can’t always be perfect.
For centuries, people have placed great importance on sex. It’s everywhere: on TV, in songs , in clothes, in language, in culture – and everyone tells you that you’re not doing it right if you don’t feel great every time you have sex.
Well, we think sex isn’t always so exciting. Oftentimes, it can be shy, awkward, and uncomfortable. Maybe you’re a little bored, or maybe one of your partners has a problem with their libido or is afraid to try something new.
But is it worth ending a relationship just because the sexual chemistry with the partner is not perfect?
It’s true that a relationship works if you’re both on the same page, otherwise it creates tension. It’s frustrating when one of you always initiates sex and gets rejected every time. It creates an insecurity about intimacy for both partners.
The answer is simple, therefore: Yes, sex is reason enough to end a relationship. Any reason is enough, because we all deserve to be happy and fulfilled in our relationships. It’s perfectly okay to end a relationship with a partner if you feel hurt or unhappy. But it’s important to communicate beforehand.
Any relationship requires communication, and the sexual plan is as important as all the other plans you discuss, such as passions, finances or career.
Here are some key points you should touch on to find out if there is any hope of repairing your relationship sexually
Why is sex bad?
It’s good to start here. What is the problem? The way the sex goes? Frequency of sexual acts? Lack of attraction? Chemistry? Routine? Sometimes, after the passion wears off, sex feels like an obligation.
It is important to determine whether the problems in your sex life are physical or emotional in nature.
How important is sex to each of you?
All people are different. If you both prefer to watch TV shows instead of having sex, that’s great. But if it doesn’t work for both of you, you need to talk.
If one of you wants to have sex three times a week, and the other doesn’t mind if you don’t have sex for weeks or months at a time, then maybe decide to stay friends or open up the relationship so you’re not relying on each other to fulfill your sexual needs.
What do you want more/less of?
Sex is like anything else – you can learn new things and improve your abilities. Just because you’re not having great sex right now doesn’t mean it can’t become great if you put in the effort. Be honest about your likes and dislikes in bed.
Try something new, listen to each other, change your habits, don’t be arrogant and see if anything changes.
Does it feel like you’re putting in equal effort?
Sometimes, even if the sex is okay, there are tensions about who initiates the sex and how often. If only one partner always initiates sex, they end up feeling embarrassed or unwanted, even if they achieve their goal and end up having sex.
It’s important to decide if you’re both happy on this plan, so that only one of you doesn’t feel like he’s doing all the work.
Do you have unrealistic expectations?
Porn has created some totally unrealistic expectations about sex. Remember that not everyone wants to explore extreme sexual preferences. Some people want kisses and cuddles, and that’s totally fine. Sex isn’t better just because it’s kinky, nor is it boring just because it’s vanilla.
Is sex a priority in the relationship?
There are so many reasons why you want to be with someone. Sex is only part of the relationship. It is important if the person next to you supports you, if they make you laugh, if they have similar values to yours.
Ok, now that you’ve established all that, what’s next?
It’s great that you can communicate, but it doesn’t always solve the problem. Maybe you’ve communicated, tried something new, and things still haven’t changed. OK. If you can’t work things out through communication, and sex is a priority for you, then maybe it’s time to end the relationship.
But don’t forget that the grass in your neighbor’s yard is not necessarily greener than yours.